Cat got your tongue, follow these tips

Feign “important” text messages.
I’ll admit it – I’ve done it, too. Standing in a room full of unfamiliar faces, attempting to mask the discomfort I feel about not knowing who to approach, or how, I instinctively fish around in my purse for my blackberry, furrowing my brow when I find it, pretending to tend to an “urgent” message.

Whether you’re meeting up with two potential clients, or you’re entering an event with 200 seemingly-random people in attendance, initiating conversations can often be – err – easier said than done (yes - pun intended! ). Talking about how happy you are that it’s nice and sunny outside (or how frustrated you are that it’s raining), or how magically delicious the spicy sauce on the mini crab cake hors d’oeuvres is, can only take you but so far. When advising clients on how to communicate more effectively, one strategy that I recommend is to “put the onus on yourself to make the most effort in conversations.” Now, by effort I do not mean yack everyone’s ear off for hours, however, it’s important to remember that you can only expect to get as much from a conversation as you are willing to put into it. And unless you’re a mime or a monk (or a member of the Halitosis Club of America), conversation is an absolutely crucial part of building meaningful personal relationships and successful businesses.

An easy strategy for eliminating the awkward feeling that can come from walking up to people and initiating substantive and productive exchange is to develop a master list of go-to “conversation starter” tactics and statements that you can refer to when meeting new people. In most cases, having such a list will not only prompt more than a “yes” or “no” response from people you approach, it will also enable you the confidence to talk to anyone in any setting.

Here are a few of my favorites (I hope you’ll post yours, too!):

• In a big group of people you don’t know, find someone who looks relatively friendly and openly admit that you don’t know anyone. (Hi. I’m Lauren. I don’t actually know anyone here, and it’s always a little uncomfortable trying to meet new people, but I’m trying to make an effort. What’s your name? Do you know a lot of the people here?) This one ally has the potential to be your key to others.

• Subtly eavesdrop and then admit you were eavesdropping. When approaching two or more people who have already been talking, (without being creepy!) try to linger close enough that you can hear some part of the conversation, and when the time is right, simply say, “Excuse me, I don’t mean to interrupt or intrude, but I couldn’t help but overhear you guys say _____. That’s so interesting because _______. By the way, I’m Johnny Walker, from _______.”

• Pay compliments. (I just had to come over to tell you how much I love your earrings/suit/sweater/etc.) Try to pick something you can genuinely admire, otherwise you’ll blow your cover. Avoid asking where the person got a particular possession, as this might make him/her feel like they may be judged by their answer.

• Frame statements and observations as questions (Isn’t he a great speaker? Aren’t these mini crab cakes delicious?)

Note: When you can, avoid yes-no questions. A great question to ask someone is how he/she made a particular decision. (How did you decide to come to this event? How did you decide to attend _________ University? How did you decide to work as a _________ at _________ company?) Most people love to talk about themselves. Giving someone an opportunity to share part of their story.

• It’s an old adage, but when approaching someone who is intimidating (ie: a senior executive, a celebrity, a hottie, etc), imagine (actually conjure a mental image of) how they look/feel/act during their most unflattering moments. Remember: Even the most poised and put-together guy/gal has puffy eyes and dragon breath when they wake up. People who exhibit the most confidence don’t necessarily have fewer insecurities than anyone else, they have simply mastered the art of hiding those insecurities in public.

Note: While a mental list is great, a physical list — written on a 3×5 index card, or small piece of paper that can be folded and slipped into a wallet or purse for quick, inconspicuous reference – can be particularly useful if you find it recall things on the spot.